Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
