I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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