either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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