...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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