I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
