I will die if light touches me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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