We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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