i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
