Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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