You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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