i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up under a house in Key West
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
