Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
