I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You made out with two different species that night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
