Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
