and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
