Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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