Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
