I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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