that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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