my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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