when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
