I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
