I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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