literally had 100 drinks last night.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Shame - the story of my life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
