i just wanna soil my oats bro
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
