before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
