____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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