so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
