theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
