moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
