I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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