evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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