You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
