youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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