Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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