he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
