I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So here I am, sexting at work.
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