I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
