So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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