I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
