How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
