ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
