I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
