I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
