i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
