I faked an abortion last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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