Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
