After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize