Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize