I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
