3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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