this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
