my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize