Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
