Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
