he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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