the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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