fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize