i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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