ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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