i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
