I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
