Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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