His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
