okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
