just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
