so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
