I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
