I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
