so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
