On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
