I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
