SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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