My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
