he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
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her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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