Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
