You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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