i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
